AARP: “10 Tips for Splitting Caregiving Costs Among Siblings”
AARP, Jan. 24, 2023 — Marguerita Cheng CFP® Pro is featured in today’s issue of AARP magazine as reporter Bruce Horovitz offers practical ways to approach sharing parents’ long-term care expenses.
Bruce explains: “Jaclyn Strauss has four words of advice for siblings who want to share the costs of parental caregiving: play to your strengths. That’s precisely what she and her brother have done in preparation for what they both know will be substantial caregiving costs for their 78-year-old father living in Tampa, Florida. Even though his caregiving needs have started relatively small — with a paid aide just a couple of hours a day for home care — the siblings have been preparing for this moment for several years, with regular communication and digital transparency of all their parents’ important documents and paperwork. Their mom, a 72-year-old retired schoolteacher, has not needed long-term care but is too physically and financially stretched to care for her husband. Never mind that Strauss, who is a 43-year-old CPA in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and her 40-year-old brother, who is a physician in Tampa, fought like cats and dogs during their youth. That are now very close, she says. And each has embraced their chief asset in the new caregiving duties that now require financially assisting their folks.”
Here is how Marguerita advises siblings on how to best walk this often prickly financial walk:
- Acknowledge the challenge. A critical first step is acknowledging and validating how difficult long-term care is for all involved. Not only is it difficult for the parent, but it’s also difficult for siblings trying to support long-term care emotionally and financially.
- Accept that some siblings may refuse to help. If a sibling doesn’t want to participate financially in any way, offer them a list of other ways to help, such as running errands. If they still refuse, don’t waste more of your time or energy fighting with them.
- Consider hiring a mediator. If paying the costs of long-term care for a parent gets contentious among the siblings, consider hiring an elder care attorney or elder care social worker to mediate.
- Remember the loved one. In the end, what’s most important are the wishes of the parent who needs long-term care. It’s about them being safe and comfortable.